Clarissa – One Year

It’s like she’s a ghost, wandering these halls. Every time I think I see her, a thread of hope is

brought back. But in the next second, it’s like it was snipped… Not cleanly, because it continues to bleed and hurt like an infected wound. Do I wish I could forget her? No. Do I want the pain to end? I guess… but does that mean forgetting her?

I’m scared that if the pain goes away, that I’ll forget how much of an impact she made on my life.

I remember once, when I was little and we had to give her and Smodge a bath… My brothers and I sat out on the couch while my mom and dad wrestled with the cats. All we could hear was ‘yowling’ and whispering. Then, everything went quiet and my brothers and I looked at each other, then jumped up all racing to get there first. I was the first one to get there. My mom gave me a bundle of what looked like cloth. But it was warmer, and vibrating. I lookeddown into the bright, little, green eyes of Clarissa. She was growling. After a lot of rubbing and shushing and talking to, Clarissa’s growling turned to purring. I could usually make her purr when she was growling. All my friends and a lot of our family would call her a Demon Kitty, I just called her my baby.

Whenever I was upset or just needed someone to talk or rant to, my cats would be the ones I’d go to. Because they couldn’t judge me.

Whenever I was crying Clarissa would come and curl beside me and lick my face, trying to get me to stop crying. I could use her right now.

I swear she could understand me. That’s why I could never say she was dying. But I’d talk to her for hours. She’d purr right beside me and occasionally lick me.

It feels weird to cry and not have her beside me. It makes me feel  empty. People always tell me that it’s weird to mourn an animal. But she was like a sister to me. Or a daughter. And I feel alone without her.

Everyone needs their time to mourn. And I hope I never forget her.

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3 Responses to “Clarissa – One Year”

  1. Mom says:


    What a beautiful tribute to a beautiful friend. I remember when I first met Clarissa and I think I knew she was there for us – that maybe she needed us as much as we needed her. After what happened to her siblings, I think I was right – she was meant to be part of our family.

    Thank you for loving her and giving to her. I think she gave everything she had to you, Simon, Alex and Nelson. And if she could talk, I’m betting she’d say she was happy she did it. You all gave her a wonderful life and that’s something to celebrate.

    Thank you for spending today with me and your family. Maybe by being together and loving life to the fullest, we honored her memory in the best way possible.

    I love you, Grace….

  2. Grandma Breau says:

    Grace, what a beautiful tribute to a long lost friend. I know yesterday was very hard for you and I’m so glad we could share these memories together. Clarissa was very, very fortunate to have you in her life and I think that if Clarissa could speak, she would say”thank you for being my friend and taking good care of me”.

    I love you Grace ( and Clarissa!)

  3. Brother says:

    what a great article. Grace you did a really good job expressing your feelings. you spoke what we all felt, i hope your right we wont forget her, she is the childhood memory i know i will never let go of. i know that the day she died i asked her to forgive us for doing this to her. that i hoped it was the right thing to do. she just looked out the window and stared. Great job.

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