Posts Tagged ‘alone’

Walkway of Hell

Sunday, June 9th, 2013

You’re the boy I can’t keep my eyes off. You’re the boy that as I walk through the halls I see you and blush. You’re the one I’ve had a crush on for years now, you’re the one who won’t like me back.

Captured by Tiffany Tremaine.

Captured by Tiffany Tremaine.

We talk like best friends, act like sweethearts, but we are just friends. All the effort I’ve put in has placed me in this place of friends. But friends is better than strangers. At least it lets me in your life. Your life of confusion and lost love. You’re fighting for a girl who doesn’t love you back. So why don’t you just turn around and let me. I’d show you compassion no other girl would. I’d show you the love I’ve stored up in my chest.

But your happiness isn’t mine to bring. It’s hers. The girl you are fighting so hard for. She’s the one who holds your heart. But I’ll hold your hand and walk beside you down this walkway of hell. I’ll help you get through this broken heart of yours. But I won’t forget the feelings I’ve buried. I’ll push them away so we can be happy.

Captured by Tiffany Tremaine.

Captured by Tiffany Tremaine.

I’ll push them away so I can help you find love. I’ll push them away till I’m convinced they’re gone. But deep down, I’ll always know. Deep down I’ll hate how I never stood up and kissed you. Deep down, I’ll be ashamed. But up front, I am happy. I am here. I am well. I show no sign of the war I’ve fought. I show no sign of the pain I’ve seen.

I’ll store that love for the one who will return it. I’ll store that compassion for someone who will appreciate it. I’ll save myself for someone who is right. I just hope that he’s waiting for me just as I am for him.


Photography by Tiffany Tremaine.

So Lost

Sunday, June 2nd, 2013

This is a fictional monologue.

I’m one of those people that don’t like hurting others. They can’t hurt them even if it means saving themselves. They would rather stab their own back then stab someone who has stabbed theirs tons of times. They’d take a bullet for their worst enemy. Because seeing others in pain, hurts them.

I feel so lost… I lost myself in the process of trying to find out who I really am. I’m gone; the old, happy me is gone… she’s vanished… I look in my mirror and see a girl with swollen, bloodshot eyes. With puffy lips and pink cheeks. I see a girl who has dug herself too deep. I see pain behind her eyes that she hides oh so well.

But at school, she’s so different. I see a bright, but fake, smile. I see eyes that have seen terrible things and lips that have been bitten to the point of breaking. But I don’t see myself. I never see that happy girl anymore. She’s gone. She’s been hurt too much to count. Too much to rebound.

That girl is buried too deep in pain. She’s drowned.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t want her back, I want to smile and feel love and be happy. I want someone to unconditionally love me for me. But that won’t ever happen right.


Sunday, November 25th, 2012

She was my friend, yes, my best friend? No. I’ve never had a girl best friend. I’ve had plenty of friends… but people never took me seriously enough. But, I’d rather have just friends than no friends at all.

We were walking in the park, Jessica, Andy and me (Maddy). We were on the bridge giggling about nonsense when I saw the most attractive guy ever. He looked right at me and smiled. So, I smiled back slightly blushing. Andy saw that my cheeks were slightly pink and turned. When she saw him she gasped, “Dibs!” I hated that, you can’t dibs a guy. Just like a guy can’t dibs a girl.

So being a good friend, Jess and I convinced her to walk up to him. So she walked over and his friend, Jake, walked over and started talking to us. They were in third year university; he was going to school to be a doctor, and his friend -Dustin- to be an architect.

Jessica was in third year to be a dancer, Andy third year to be a singer/actor and I was in second year for being an actor/director. I met them at a show, and we clicked and stayed friends.

After Jake convinced Dustin to go on a date with Andy he called her telling her he’d pick her up next Saturday for a picnic. That’s so cute… he’s talking her on a picnic! When Saturday came around, we helped her get ready. She wouldn’t listen to me; she wore all this fancy clothing. She kept thanking me for making her go on the date. I didn’t know how to respond, so I smiled and nodded.

When he knocked on the door I answered, he smelled so good… but I welcomed him in and told him she’d be down in a second. We made small talk and joked about how it shouldn’t take that long, it’s just a picnic. When she came in, she gave me a look that told me to back off. But when he saw her, he tried keeping his laughing in. He didn’t do so well. “We’re going on a picnic… not a movie premiere. You ready?” I laughed as they left. She wore heels.

We invited Jake in and hung out until she texted me asking to pick her up.

We all went and waited by the park gates. We heard them before we saw them; I could hear her voice all high pitched. And his lower. She was yelling at him. He was saying she was snotty and annoying. She was calling him old fashioned, stupid, gross and old. He’s her age… weird.

She came to us crying, Jess and I comforted her as well as we could, but there wasn’t much for us to do. The fight had started by him playing country music on the way there and then got gradually worse throughout the date and when he asked her to go camping with him and some friends she snapped. She hated everything out doors. Country music, cottages, camping, bonfires, ect. She just hated it. And whenever she’d visit my apartment, she’d make me turn off my country music.

Jess convinced her to go give him a piece of her mind. So she walked over, told him it was over, and smacked him, right across the face. As she was walking over Jake told Dustin he was lucky he even got that much with her, then he walked away and grabbed her hand. She looked at him then leaned into him, then grabbed Jess’s hand. Leaving me alone. I looked at him, and looked at them as they walked away. I turned to see Dustin sitting on the bench, head in his hands.

I walked towards him slowly, put my hand gently on his shoulder, and said, “She doesn’t deserve you, she’s rude, self-centered, and mean… and… I love country music and ca-” He cut me off by standing up, pulling me into his arms and kissing me softly.

“How about we forget about them and try this the right way.” With that he kissed me again.

The moment our lips first touched, it felt like there were flames upon our lips. Sparks lighting up the night to a future together.