I AM Grace Rosien

You’re the boy I can’t keep my eyes off. You’re the boy that as I walk through the halls I see you and blush. You’re the one I’ve had a crush on for years now, you’re the one who won’t like me back.

Captured by Tiffany Tremaine.

We talk like best friends, act like sweethearts, but we are just friends. All the effort I’ve put in has placed me in this place of friends. But friends is better than strangers. At least it lets me in your life. Your life of confusion and lost love. You’re fighting for a girl who doesn’t love you back. So why don’t you just turn around and let me. I’d show you compassion no other girl would. I’d show you the love I’ve stored up in my chest.

But your happiness isn’t mine to bring. It’s hers. The girl you are fighting so hard for. She’s the one who holds your heart. But I’ll hold your hand and walk beside you down this walkway of hell. I’ll help you get through this broken heart of yours. But I won’t forget the feelings I’ve buried. I’ll push them away so we can be happy.

Captured by Tiffany Tremaine.

I’ll push them away so I can help you find love. I’ll push them away till I’m convinced they’re gone. But deep down, I’ll always know. Deep down I’ll hate how I never stood up and kissed you. Deep down, I’ll be ashamed. But up front, I am happy. I am here. I am well. I show no sign of the war I’ve fought. I show no sign of the pain I’ve seen.

I’ll store that love for the one who will return it. I’ll store that compassion for someone who will appreciate it. I’ll save myself for someone who is right. I just hope that he’s waiting for me just as I am for him.

Photography by Tiffany Tremaine.

This is a fictional monologue.

I’m one of those people that don’t like hurting others. They can’t hurt them even if it means saving themselves. They would rather stab their own back then stab someone who has stabbed theirs tons of times. They’d take a bullet for their worst enemy. Because seeing others in pain, hurts them.

I feel so lost… I lost myself in the process of trying to find out who I really am. I’m gone; the old, happy me is gone… she’s vanished… I look in my mirror and see a girl with swollen, bloodshot eyes. With puffy lips and pink cheeks. I see a girl who has dug herself too deep. I see pain behind her eyes that she hides oh so well.

But at school, she’s so different. I see a bright, but fake, smile. I see eyes that have seen terrible things and lips that have been bitten to the point of breaking. But I don’t see myself. I never see that happy girl anymore. She’s gone. She’s been hurt too much to count. Too much to rebound.

That girl is buried too deep in pain. She’s drowned.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t want her back, I want to smile and feel love and be happy. I want someone to unconditionally love me for me. But that won’t ever happen right.

This is a fictional letter.

To whomever it may concern;

Thinking of you always brings a smile to my face. You make me laugh in my worst times and on my lowest days, you make me soar. I don’t know how I would have gotten this far without you. But sadly, this letter is not me devoting my love for you, this is a letter to tell you goodbye. I don’t think I’d ever be able to say goodbye to your face, or your voice, I would break down and never want to leave you. This is easier for me. No matter how much I miss you.

You never have, and never will understand how much you mean to me. You are clouds to my sky, the lily to my pond. But just like the sky and just like the pond, I can survive without you, I just feel better with you by my side. There are those cloudless days, they are so beautiful and so bright, they make me remember that I can do it without you, even if I don’t want to.

“Tears come streaming down your face, when you lose something you can’t replace, when you love someone but it goes to waste; could it be worse?

Tears come streaming down you face, I promise you I will learn from my mistakes. Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you.”

This song, is a song that comes on frequently into my headphones, it is such a good song. Fix You, by Coldplay. It keeps me breathing and keeps me smiling, because I remember, that one day, someone will be my light. They will guide me home.

When I think of you, I think of a grey-blue. A blue I have never seen anywhere before, when you look at me, it seems different than how you look at everyone else. But maybe that’s just me. Your eyes seem to melt when you look at me. And they take me in for who I am, not who I was. Which is how a lot of people look at me nowadays.

I know that even though you don’t feel the same way about me, it doesn’t mean you don’t care for me. I know you do. And that makes me cherish you even more.

I see a picture of us, and it takes my breath away, so much that it hurts.

I don’t know when, or even if I will ever see you again, but when I do, I hope I can pretend we’re ok. Even if I want to reach out and touch your face.

I know I can make it. I need to extract the pain from my life, this is me trying.

Love,

Girl Who’s Trying

This is a fictional poem.

His hand on her soft cheek,
Makes her body feel so weak.
She shivers against his body,
He pulls her closer to him;
And all the pain comes back to Kim.
Like a knife in her chest.

The tears roll down her face,
She must be such a disgrace.
Will all this pain ever leave her be?
As he holds her through the night,
He becomes her bright shining knight.
A love unlike the rest.

Depression’s just like a cloud,
Sometimes it’s just so loud.
And blood, the colour of a rose,
Trickles down her arms from fresh wounds.
Her body is now so attuned.
He thinks it’s just a test.

She loves him like no other,
But why’s he even bother?
She is not worth any of his pain.
And yet he’s still waiting here.
His love for her won’t last she fears.
Just like all of the rest.

But yet she loves him still,
For her, any empty void he fills.
Her love for him seems to be so strong.
He thinks that it’s all his fault.
She knows it’s almost to a halt.
Their love is for the best.

Strong, in their veins it pounds,
Better than most have found.
Ready to be shared with two lovers.
Thoughts of his lips tingles her mind.
And his touch, for her seems so kind.
A bird protects his nest.

She wishes she could be happy,
For he’s so cutely sappy.
And her body disgraces her.
And sends such shame to her loved ones.
“Fat, ugly, scars!” And for that she runs.
She is never at rest.

Her body feels pain swell,
It’s like a damn living hell.
It burns inside her like a flame.
She wants everything to end.
For there’s no way for it to mend.
She’s told she was the best.

She writes her last goodbye,
For her time to go is nigh.
It couldn’t have gone any better.
She wishes she could feel him near.
But he’s gone, he can’t interfere.
The letter of her rest;

“My dear, I love you so,
But you need to get me go.
This feels like knives in my hurt heart.
But my time has come to a close.
I die by your gift of a rose,
Let me go to my rest.

For you I’d walk million miles,
My one true love, my Kyle.
Never forget the love we shared.
For my time was well spent with you.
For you have always been so true.
Our love was nothing less.

Don’t lose hope in yourself,
And store our love on a shelf.
I wish that our love could last,
You were my one and only love.
So set our love free like a dove.
Just know it’s for the best.”

So as the blood runs out,
She lets out a cry of doubt.
The pain is becoming too much.
As the world starts to fade away;
She wishes to him she could say,
“I wish you all the best.

You made it worth waiting.”
And everything’s fading.
The world that she once knew and loved.
And she see’s him running to her,
Hoping that he can be the cure.
In his arms she’s at rest.

Her life was lost that night,
He has lost all will to fight.
Her family has lost all hope.
Her friends feel a thorn in their hearts.
All their feelings locked in a jar.
Like a knife in their chest.

Their voices like fusion.
The tears like a rough poison.
Will this fresh hole ever close up?
And like an old stone they crumble.
Each lost in pain and so humble.
A young girl now at rest.

Growing up, I always felt like my brother, Simon, always got a lot of attention. I felt like everyone would take his side, even if it was his fault. But whenever we went up to visit you, you would always take my side, no matter what it was. You would eat the food that I didn’t want, and you would always be there for me.

This is for you.

I sit here with you, cradled in your arms, and I feel so protected. You’re teaching me to fish, and your hands hold mine as I awkwardly hold the fishing pole. You try helping me get a better grip, but it doesn’t seem to be working. That’s when we feel the tug. We’re holding the pole and it’s jerked to the side, then to the other side, then back. You hold tighter trying to make sure I don’t let go of the pole. You tell me to start reeling it in, so I do, really, really slowly. You help me and together we pull in the fish. It was huge. It was twisting and turning and trying to get free. So you pulled it into the boat and as you’re getting the hook from its mouth you look at me and see there are tears in my eyes. All I can think of is, “Maybe it’s a dad, or mom, what about its children…” But I don’t say anything. This is what you do. I want to be like you. You look into my eyes, and  I smile, and you smile back. You look at the fish, and you see it’s slowly stopping it’s struggle. So you give it to me and say, “Throw it back in the water, come on, I’ll help you.” Your hands cover mine and I throw it back into the water, smiling as I do so.

I look back at you, and a look of adoration fills your face. I turn fully around and throw my arms around you.

As you start paddling back I just start talking, as I usually do, filling the empty space. Every time I look back at you, that face is still there, and you smile at me encouraging me to continue on.

When we get back to shore we find Grandma and the rest and we drive back to the camp. But I don’t want to tell anyone what happened because it was so special to me. If I share it maybe it won’t be as special anymore.

We go back and have partridge and mashed potatoes and sit at the table being the loud, happy family everyone knows us to be. This family is getting bigger… We knew this would happen sooner or later. But no one really expected it to come so fast. We grew up to fast. Moments like this engraved into my mind. I will never forget the times I spent with you and everyone else. Maybe it’s just time to make new ones… new memories. A new life. 

Saskatchewan was such a wonderful trip. We sang songs, made friends, laughed tons, stayed up late, spent meals together, danced late, prayed with love, and just had totally amazing times.

I loved the gatherings. The ones I was there for were fabulous. Everybody was singing and laughing and just having fun. There were some sermons when I was crying because it was emotional, or laughing because something was really funny. I remember the last one so clearly. I was with my friend Colin, we were sitting a few rows back from where my church was sitting. We sat there laughing at something the cowboy priest had said. We sang to all the songs. I remember looking at all the people around me. People I didn’t know were sitting beside me. Colin and I were conversing with random strangers. Laughing with random people. High fiving other groups. By the end of that gathering I believe I hugged at least 5 people I didn’t know. I was surrounded by friends, acquaintances and just people.

Being there I felt so loved and appreciated. At home sometimes I feel alone or stressed and I think back to Saskatchewan. I got closer to a lot of people.

Sometimes in your everyday life you forget that there are people around you. You forget that there are friends who care about you, families who love you, and just people who notice you. When you go to a CLAY meeting it’s hard to forget that, people are always talking to you there, always listening to you. You’re rarely alone there. And you feel so loved.

When I went, I think it was the second or third day; I got a concussion and was stuck in a hotel room for a whole day. It was soo

My friends that I met in Saskatchewan, they have changed my life. (The Avengers)

horrible. Going back I was nervous no one would notice I was gone, but the second they saw me at my lunch table my friends came running over to me and hugged me saying they missed me and were so worried about me. It feels great to be missed… And to this day those people and I are still friends, we have those moments engraved in our hearts.

When someone sings a silly song at home, people might be scared, they don’t want to embarrass themselves, but there everyone acts silly. The song “Lions” always got the crowds so crazy. My friend and I went to meet the band and they were hilarious, so happy and excited to be there with us.

When my friends and I would sing the song Lions or Days of Elijah or anything like that, we’d go fully into actions and be laughing and just having fun. You can be yourself there without worrying about someone judging you. Even though you’re in a place full of teenagers, there isn’t much judging.

My friends always tell me that I’m not the type of person to be shy and unnoticed. Where ever I am, I stand out, even when I was little. So going there I was scared of what people would think of me. But the moment the games started, I realized, they don’t care, they’re just as nervous as I am, and just as weird as I am. It’s good to be unique.

Now I have made a deeper bond than I though possible with my best friend.

Clay has given me soo many cherishing moments, and so much knowledge. I am so happy I went; it has changed who I am. It has given me things to hold onto when I’m sad, memories to laugh about when I’m with these people, and most of all, it has given me a deeper love. For everything; God, people and myself.

It has been at least 5 months since I saw some of my friends, but we are all still so close, we talk frequently, and skype lots. But they aren’t the only people I got closer to. I got closer to people that I’ve known all of my life. It gave me a deeper connection to them. (que Clay members “Can you feel the connection, people here are joined together…”)There’s no way of getting out of making deep, lasting bonds between people. And I would never choose to get out of it. But I miss them all terribly.

Please don’t take this away from us…

So I know your choices are supposed to impact the government; and I understand you want to have your voices heard, and they are. But you’re being heard by all the wrong people. The people who are hearing you are the students. You cancelled our extra-curricular activities to get a rise out of the government. But it isn’t working as much as you’d like. Cancelling prom, and school assemblies and other groups and clubs doesn’t do you or us any good.

I have read and I understand Bill 115. Unlike a lot of students at my school I have read it, and I understand why you are upset, but I also understand why the government has done this. The government is just trying to protect Ontario, they don’t want our province/cities going bankrupt like Stockton, San Bernardino, Central Falls, Jefferson County, Harrisburg, Boise County, Idaho, Michigan, Allen Park and many other cities in the US have filed for bankruptcy, some have been denied and some accepted. Do you want us to go bankrupt too? And there are other unions that are getting money cuts, and pay freezes and other things too, they just aren’t making a big deal about it. In the last week the doctors (silently) signed a contract for a pay cut. My father works for Staples and he never got the choice to store up his sick days like teachers have. It was unfair to the rest of the county for the government to give the teachers that extra. So really, it’s only fair that you can’t store them up anymore. They are not being taken away from you, you can still use them, you just can’t cash them in for cash until you retire.

Now, as for the argument on whether you are getting a right stripped from you. “Rights not reduced – (6)  Nothing in this Act or in a regulation or order in council made under this Act shall be interpreted or applied so as to reduce a right or entitlement under the Human Rights Code.” Taken directly from Bill 115. I know it may seem like a right is being taken away, but really it’s not. The only reason you can’t protest longer than a day is to protect us (students). If the teachers union decides to have a strike for two weeks (especially this close to exams) that means that students get two weeks less time with their teachers to understand what is happening in the exam. A lot of students would fail class if this were to happen. So many of us would fall behind, and most likely fail our exams.

Teachers have told me since I was a kid, “You can do anything, you just need to put your mind to it. The right group of friends and you can get anywhere you want to…” We have looked up to our teachers since we were kids. When you go into high school you’re told by older students that you should join at least one club. And so we do. My friend and I joined tech crew. Honestly, I thought I’d hate it, but I have been in it for a year and a half, and it has changed who I am. Being in tech crew I have gotten to meet so many fabulous speakers and people. Some of my friendships have gotten so much stronger. Tech crew is now a way I define myself. I know that a lot of other students define themselves by their groups.

David, Fiona, Becca, and Rachel

So a lot of other students at my school hate being at school and learning and everything, but the reason they aren’t failing is because of their teams, if their grades drop too much they will be kicked out of the team or club. A lot more students will flunk out if our extra-curriculars’ are taken away. So many teachers at my school care so much about us, but if kids started flunking they would take it on themselves. Do you (the teachers union) want that hurt on your back? Do you want to see kids who have done so good in school until now fail and flunk out of school? I sure wouldn’t want that on my back.

Grade 12’s of this year won’t get a prom, they won’t get that awesome experience of growing up. That is not fair at all, they have worked so hard to get through four years of high school, Prom is a way of saying, “You made it! Celebrate now before it gets harder!” We want to enjoy high school, make it bearable. Being in a club or on a sports team makes it a little easier to bear all the weight of school. This fight isn’t worth losing students over. Is it?

People always tell me, “The choices you make today will affect you in the future.” I have learned that, it seems the teachers’ union hasn’t. If you did, we would still have our clubs, because you would know that this isn’t going to end up well. So please give us back our clubs. Because if you don’t you are tearing a part of us away. You’re erasing a part of our being.

Thank you for your time and your consideration, I hope you make the right choice for our future.

Grace Rosien – Eastwood Collegiate Institute (ECI)

“The most beautiful thing in the world has to be the way the snowflakes gently fall to the ground, the way they softly land on your closed eyelids. They cling to your eyelids like a child grasping a mothers hand as it takes its first steps. But as I watch it melts from your

And as the snow starts falling again, it picks up speed and more and more falls. Slowly trying to cover us. You gradually open your eyes, and I wonder if you were asleep… Your eyes seem to carry the weight of grogginess. The look in your eyes told me you couldn’t tell if this was a dream or not. So, acting as though it’s a dream, I pull you towards me and kiss you for the last time. As I let you go, I feel my mind go numb as the world around me fades. And I realize if there’s any way to die, this would be it…”Being happy is like holding a baby and hearing its first laugh, it’s having a young child come up and hug you for no reason, it’s like hearing a bird sing it’s song of love, of seeing two cats curled into each other, it’s seeing two elderly people walking holding hands. It’s true, long lasting love.

This is one of the many stories I wrote with the phone during the first week I had it. It’s so easy to type in, and if you have a sudden story idea, it’s easy to record it or write a quick note to remember an idea for a story.

The camera (as you can see) is also quite fabulous, it seems to capture pictures and their best qualities and freeze them into place. It grabs perfect lighting in perfect detail mixing it together for the perfect as can be picture. The video is just as awesome. If you are like me and have an unsteady hand, it makes the video less wobbly and more sturdy so the camera isn’t shaking all around.

The editing is awesome, me being someone who loves editing pictures it’s easy, efficient and effective! It is one click away then you

Do you know that feeling you get with a new gadget that makes your tummy tingle, your brain go fuzzy and everything around you seem soo perfect? Well that feeling doesn’t fade with this phone, yes like every electronic out there, there are glitches, but this phone makes up for the glitches with making everything else perfect.have 7 or so different options for the edits.

Within a week I wrote at least 5 short stories and took about a hundred photos.

If you’re in the market for a new phone and don’t know what to look for, check this one out! It will blow your mind!

• GoGirlfriend – Julia Rosien
• Ottawa Valley Moms ~ Erin Blaskie
• Canadian Dad ~ Chris Read
• Parent Club ~ Caroline Fernandez
• Freckles the Mom ~ Christy Laverty
• Tara’s View of the World ~ Tara Robertson
• Shelagh Cummins ~ Mombiz Retreat

Me being silly…

During sit in protest

Group of protestors!

Kassandra being silly.