Posts Tagged ‘Lost’

So Lost

Sunday, June 2nd, 2013

This is a fictional monologue.

I’m one of those people that don’t like hurting others. They can’t hurt them even if it means saving themselves. They would rather stab their own back then stab someone who has stabbed theirs tons of times. They’d take a bullet for their worst enemy. Because seeing others in pain, hurts them.

I feel so lost… I lost myself in the process of trying to find out who I really am. I’m gone; the old, happy me is gone… she’s vanished… I look in my mirror and see a girl with swollen, bloodshot eyes. With puffy lips and pink cheeks. I see a girl who has dug herself too deep. I see pain behind her eyes that she hides oh so well.

But at school, she’s so different. I see a bright, but fake, smile. I see eyes that have seen terrible things and lips that have been bitten to the point of breaking. But I don’t see myself. I never see that happy girl anymore. She’s gone. She’s been hurt too much to count. Too much to rebound.

That girl is buried too deep in pain. She’s drowned.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t want her back, I want to smile and feel love and be happy. I want someone to unconditionally love me for me. But that won’t ever happen right.