Archive for the ‘Stories’ Category

Silence So Loud

Tuesday, April 2nd, 2013

This is a fictional poem.

His hand on her soft cheek,
Makes her body feel so weak.
She shivers against his body,
He pulls her closer to him;
And all the pain comes back to Kim.
Like a knife in her chest.

The tears roll down her face,
She must be such a disgrace.
Will all this pain ever leave her be?
As he holds her through the night,
He becomes her bright shining knight.
A love unlike the rest.

Depression’s just like a cloud,
Sometimes it’s just so loud.
And blood, the colour of a rose,
Trickles down her arms from fresh wounds.
Her body is now so attuned.
He thinks it’s just a test.

Camp and Saskatoon! 111

She loves him like no other,
But why’s he even bother?
She is not worth any of his pain.
And yet he’s still waiting here.
His love for her won’t last she fears.
Just like all of the rest.

But yet she loves him still,
For her, any empty void he fills.
Her love for him seems to be so strong.
He thinks that it’s all his fault.
She knows it’s almost to a halt.
Their love is for the best.

Strong, in their veins it pounds,
Better than most have found.
Ready to be shared with two lovers.
Thoughts of his lips tingles her mind.
And his touch, for her seems so kind.
A bird protects his nest.

She wishes she could be happy,
For he’s so cutely sappy.
And her body disgraces her.
And sends such shame to her loved ones.
“Fat, ugly, scars!” And for that she runs.
She is never at rest.

Her body feels pain swell,
It’s like a damn living hell.
It burns inside her like a flame.
She wants everything to end.
For there’s no way for it to mend.
She’s told she was the best.

She writes her last goodbye,
For her time to go is nigh.
It couldn’t have gone any better.
She wishes she could feel him near.
But he’s gone, he can’t interfere.
The letter of her rest;

“My dear, I love you so,
But you need to get me go.
This feels like knives in my hurt heart.
But my time has come to a close.
I die by your gift of a rose,
Let me go to my rest.

For you I’d walk million miles,
My one true love, my Kyle.
Never forget the love we shared.
For my time was well spent with you.
For you have always been so true.
Our love was nothing less.

Don’t lose hope in yourself,
And store our love on a shelf.
I wish that our love could last,
You were my one and only love.
So set our love free like a dove.
Just know it’s for the best.”

So as the blood runs out,
She lets out a cry of doubt.
The pain is becoming too much.
As the world starts to fade away;
She wishes to him she could say,
“I wish you all the best.

You made it worth waiting.”
And everything’s fading.
The world that she once knew and loved.
And she see’s him running to her,
Hoping that he can be the cure.
In his arms she’s at rest.

Her life was lost that night,
He has lost all will to fight.
Her family has lost all hope.
Her friends feel a thorn in their hearts.
All their feelings locked in a jar.
Like a knife in their chest.

Their voices like fusion.
The tears like a rough poison.
Will this fresh hole ever close up?
And like an old stone they crumble.
Each lost in pain and so humble.
A young girl now at rest.

Growing Up With You

Sunday, March 24th, 2013

Growing up, I always felt like my brother, Simon, always got a lot of attention. I felt like everyone would take his side, even if it was his fault. But whenever we went up to visit you, you would always take my side, no matter what it was. You would eat the food that I didn’t want, and you would always be there for me.

This is for you.Christmas2011

I sit here with you, cradled in your arms, and I feel so protected. You’re teaching me to fish, and your hands hold mine as I awkwardly hold the fishing pole. You try helping me get a better grip, but it doesn’t seem to be working. That’s when we feel the tug. We’re holding the pole and it’s jerked to the side, then to the other side, then back. You hold tighter trying to make sure I don’t let go of the pole. You tell me to start reeling it in, so I do, really, really slowly. You help me and together we pull in the fish. It was huge. It was twisting and turning and trying to get free. So you pulled it into the boat and as you’re getting the hook from its mouth you look at me and see there are tears in my eyes. All I can think of is, “Maybe it’s a dad, or mom, what about its children…” But I don’t say anything. This is what you do. I want to be like you. You look into my eyes, and  I smile, and you smile back. You look at the fish, and you see it’s slowly stopping it’s struggle. So you give it to me and say, “Throw it back in the water, come on, I’ll help you.” Your hands cover mine and I throw it back into the water, smiling as I do so.


I look back at you, and a look of adoration fills your face. I turn fully around and throw my arms around you.

As you start paddling back I just start talking, as I usually do, filling the empty space. Every time I look back at you, that face is still there, and you smile at me encouraging me to continue on.

When we get back to shore we find Grandma and the rest and we drive back to the camp. But I don’t want to tell anyone what happened because it was so special to me. If I share it maybe it won’t be as special anymore.

We go back and have partridge and mashed potatoes and sit at the table being the loud, happy family everyone knows us to be. This family is getting bigger… We knew this would happen sooner or later. But no one really expected it to come so fast. We grew up to fast. Moments like this engraved into my mind. I will never forget the times I spent with you and everyone else. Maybe it’s just time to make new ones… new memories. A new life. Thanksgiving2012

The Inevitable

Monday, October 15th, 2012

Death… death is unavoidable. It’s a fact of life. Some choose to hide from the topic, others choose to be scared of it. But me? I’m not scared of it. I think about it frequently…

Being who I am, my life feels like a tightrope, one where there is no net below to catch me if I fall. That if I did fall, everything would be over, and that’s that. And if I were to fall, there would be no “YOU HAVE 5 DAYS/HOURS/MINUTES TO LIVE. MAKE IT WORTH WHILE” Mega phone guy telling me that. I’d have maybe 5 seconds and it would be over. That’s how life is. Car crashes, cancer, disease, the end, everything. It just ends.

It’s like in a movie, when it’s so intense, you are so engrossed, then it’s suddenly over… everything is done. The lights come up and you’re still sitting there like, what? You don’t get a choice; you don’t choose your life, unless that is… you choose to end it early.

You know that feeling when you tip too far back in a chair and it feels like your heart drops out of your body? I wonder if that’s how life ends… you’re lying there, or sitting there, or standing there, and suddenly you get that feeling and your life is over. As fast as that.

There are so many ways you can die. A terrible disease, a car accident, malnourishment, old age, falling, and suicide. There are more than that, but that’s too much to write down. Sometimes people die slowly, but is that really better? You never get a chance to say goodbye to your loved ones. Unless you do every day. But that’s not the final goodbye.

The final good bye is them burying you in the cemetery with everyone else they love. But what about the tears streaming down their faces, the swollen eyes days after, months after; it’s the longing in their hearts. But some people can never say goodbye. Goodbye has to be the hardest word to say. Because no one wants to let go. Letting go can be leaving a part of your childhood behind. Or a part of your future.

Suicide is a different story all together. You can say goodbye, without anyone knowing your saying goodbye. But then they think about those last moments over and over again. What was the last thing I said? Did I offend them in some way to push it? Was it my fault? Could I have stopped it? Then they come to the conclusion, it’s all my fault. And that haunts them forever. Sometimes suicides can get national reports. Even some deaths can be, suicides or not.

Death can be a long discussion. And a hard one, especially if you know someone who has currently died. And I know a few who have. I know sometimes you think, how am I supposed to get over this? How do I move on?

And the most common one of all, “Why him/her?” or “It’s my fault.” “Did I say I love them?”

Sometimes you just have to move on… it isn’t easy, and it will take time. Just remember, it’s ok to cry.


The Blade

Monday, October 1st, 2012

It was a dark alley, there were no lights, and she was walking down it alone. Down the middle no less, she should have known better, but her mind was on other things. Better more intense things… so she didn’t notice when a shadow crouched up behind her until it was too late. She knew the smell of the chloroform before it touched her mouth.

The more intense things going through her mind was the feeling of his hand on her face, their bodies pressed tightly together, evaporating all space between them. Of his lips against hers, moist and soft. She could still feel his touch… still taste his lips. She was dizzy with love. She forgot about what she had to be scared of. She forgot that people were after her, that it wasn’t safe to be out alone at night.

Ruby was always cocky like that, she thought she could take anyone… but you can’t do much to fight chloroform. But she did get a good kick in.

She woke up in a dark room, light was coming from somewhere above, but she couldn’t figure out where. She was tied down, and there was water dripping on her face. She couldn’t move from the water. It was driving her nuts. She knew this was only the beginning, so she began to put up walls around her emotions. Using him as a force field. It worked. She forgot about the water and everything, and sensations came back, along with feelings. When someone actually touched her face she flinched from her little fantasy. When she opened her eyes she thought she was dreaming. It was him, Jordon, stroking her face. She tried to move, but the restraints were still there and so was the water.

She looked into his eyes, and it was like she could see into his soul. But right now it wasn’t happy. There was pain in his deep green eyes. They were an odd colour, like a forest, mossy green. But she knew in that moment what to do, since her hands weren’t tied down, she watched them move towards him, pulling him down on her, almost crushing her, but not.

The moment their lips touched something changed, she saw into his mind, actually saw, she saw how he was warring with himself. But over what? We’re in love. Nothing can tear that apart. The connection was suddenly cut, but it still felt like they were melting into each other, becoming one, but there was something wrong about it… his lips tasted and felt… wrong. But before she could figure it out he pulled away, and got off her.

“I’m sorry Rubes. I… had no choice. I love you.” Then she realised what his other had was holding, it was a knife. He drove the knife into her abdominal area, everything faded, the last thing she remembered was him leaning down and kissing her lips one last time.

To be continued…