Posts Tagged ‘Mourn’

Clarissa – One Year

Saturday, September 1st, 2012

It’s like she’s a ghost, wandering these halls. Every time I think I see her, a thread of hope is

brought back. But in the next second, it’s like it was snipped… Not cleanly, because it continues to bleed and hurt like an infected wound. Do I wish I could forget her? No. Do I want the pain to end? I guess… but does that mean forgetting her?

I’m scared that if the pain goes away, that I’ll forget how much of an impact she made on my life.

I remember once, when I was little and we had to give her and Smodge a bath… My brothers and I sat out on the couch while my mom and dad wrestled with the cats. All we could hear was ‘yowling’ and whispering. Then, everything went quiet and my brothers and I looked at each other, then jumped up all racing to get there first. I was the first one to get there. My mom gave me a bundle of what looked like cloth. But it was warmer, and vibrating. I lookeddown into the bright, little, green eyes of Clarissa. She was growling. After a lot of rubbing and shushing and talking to, Clarissa’s growling turned to purring. I could usually make her purr when she was growling. All my friends and a lot of our family would call her a Demon Kitty, I just called her my baby.

Whenever I was upset or just needed someone to talk or rant to, my cats would be the ones I’d go to. Because they couldn’t judge me.

Whenever I was crying Clarissa would come and curl beside me and lick my face, trying to get me to stop crying. I could use her right now.

I swear she could understand me. That’s why I could never say she was dying. But I’d talk to her for hours. She’d purr right beside me and occasionally lick me.

It feels weird to cry and not have her beside me. It makes me feel  empty. People always tell me that it’s weird to mourn an animal. But she was like a sister to me. Or a daughter. And I feel alone without her.

Everyone needs their time to mourn. And I hope I never forget her.